Depression made me question whether there is any meaning to life and from years I have been searching for an answer. First, I began by observing the life that people live. After growing up, we dedicate our lives to work, taking care of our family, accumulating wealth then eventually dying. This never made any sense to me. I just couldn’t understand why a person goes through so much hardship, struggle, and stress for these things when eventually one day he will die and everything will be left behind. During my observation I remembered the story of Alexander the great.

On his death bed, Alexander the Great summoned his generals and told them his three ultimate wishes:

1. I want the best doctors to carry my coffin to demonstrate that, in the face of death, even the best doctors in the world have no power to heal.

2. I want the road to be covered with my treasure so that everybody sees that material wealth acquired on earth, stays on earth.

3. I want my hands to swing in the wind, so that people understand that we come to this world empty handed and we leave this world empty handed after the most precious treasure of all is exhausted, and that is TIME.

So why am I living? this question torments me. What is the purpose of life? Why was I born? What’s the point of all this?

I also sought answers to this question in religion. First I believed some of the ideas but with time those ideas lost sensibility to me. The concepts of rebirth and heading back to God’s kingdom seemed delusional to me. In short I didn’t find the answers I was looking for. So doing rituals and practices that promise some benefits after life didn’t really motivate me to do them or inspire a positive change in my life.

Today I was watching the National Geographic documentary called Limitless starring Chris Hemsworth. It is a very inspiring documentary that made me think maybe the whole point of living your life is simply pushing your limits and enjoying yourself. Then I remembered a quote from a book I was reading a few weeks ago. The quote had only 3 words “Nothing matters eventually”. The author of this book, Om Swami was discussing various stories and philosophy of Buddhism. And this quote has stuck with me. Sometimes I feel, if nothing matters then why do anything? And then today when I saw the documentary I felt, if nothing matters then why not do everything? I am here without my choice and I will be here for a while so why not do something that will make me feel positive emotions. Why not go on adventures, explore nature, spend time with others and enjoy my life. It truly inspires me to live a life without limits. I don’t think there is a probable answer to any of the questions I asked. The more I think the more I realise that there is no answer to these questions. And I don’t want to borrow an answer from some person or scripture because I cannot relate to them. I may not be intelligent enough to understand those answers but it doesn’t matter because those descriptions do not make me feel authentic. I don’t know how or when I will get those answers but I am continuously searching for them. I have contemplated the topic a lot and the conclusion I have arrived till now is that, some days I feel nothing matters so we shouldn’t be doing anything or taking anything seriously and other days I feel nothing matters so why not do everything and go wild! I don’t know if this question is meaningful or meaningless. I don’t know if the pursuit is worthy or worthless. Sometimes I feel people who don’t have such questions are luckier but other times I feel pity because they don’t even have the most basic curiosity of where they came from? why are they here? and where are they going? Sometimes I feel ignorance is bliss other times a curse! One thing is certain that there is no end to this pursuit, so it is all my choice, whether I seek or not eventually it won’t matter. So is the point of life – choice? This video made sense ⬇️