How to overcome the fear of people leaving me?

Do you have a continual fear that people may abandon you? Do you find it difficult to build deep and lasting connections because you are afraid of being abandoned? If this is the case, you are not alone. Fear of being abandoned by those we care about is a common and terrible feeling that can prevent us from living our best lives.

But don’t worry; in this article, we’ll look at the underlying roots of this fear and offer practical advice and tactics to help you overcome it. This article is the ultimate guide to conquering the fear of people leaving you, whether you’re wanting to strengthen or build new relationships. So have a cup of coffee, take a big breath, and let’s get started!


What is the fear of people leaving me?

The worry that someone you care about may leave you or break up their relationship with you is a very common emotional reaction. This is known as the “fear of people leaving”. Several events, for example, the breakup of a romantic partnership, the death of a close friend, might cause this anxiety.

To some level this anxiety is typical and reasonable, but when it gets out of control it can have a bad effect on your relationships. Additionally, it can make you avoid starting new relationships. Furthermore, It can have a detrimental effect on your mental health.

What is the fear of people leaving called?

The phrase “fear of abandonment” is a way to describe the worry of people leaving you. When someone fears being abandoned, they experience worry or dread. Fear of abandonment can be a sign of a number of mental health issues, for example, anxiety disorders, borderline personality disorder, and attachment disorders. Nevertheless, it can also be a standalone problem that anybody might encounter. It’s critical to acknowledge this anxiety and get support if it’s upsetting you or interfering with your everyday activities.

Read Blog: What is Fear of Abandonment? How to overcome feeling insecure?

Why am I so afraid of people leaving me?

There are a number of causes for someone to fear others leaving them, including:

1. Prior encounters:

If you have previously been abandoned or rejected, such as through the loss of a loved one or a split, it may have given rise to anxiety that others would do the same.

2. Style of attachment:

Relationship formation and maintenance are influenced by our attachment style. According to the attachment theory, it is shaped by our first interactions with care-giver. If you have an insecure attachment style, you can be more likely to dread abandonment and find it difficult to build strong relationships.

Read Blog: Navigating Attachment History and Style with CFT: A Guide to Growth

3. Poor self-esteem:

Your self-esteem affects you a lot. If you feel inadequate, you might be concerned that people will reject you. Moreover, you can believe that you are unworthy of love or unworthy of people’s loyalty.

4. Worry and anxiety:

Anxiety can heighten your sensitivity to potential threats, for example, the likelihood that individuals will abandon you. Anxiety is a generalized feeling of worry or unease. If you experience anxiety, you could be more prone to create worst-case scenarios. Furthermore, you may overreact to the prospect of being left alone.

Read Free E-book: All that you need to know about anxiety

5. Personality qualities:

Certain personality features, such as excessively sensitive, dependent, or needy, can increase a person’s susceptibility to fearing abandonment.

What are the consequences of fear of people leaving me?

Your mental and social well-being can be negatively impacted in a number of ways by the worry of others abandoning you. For example:

1. Relationship difficulty:

The fear of abandonment can make it difficult to establish and maintain deep bonds. You can be afraid to become close to people out of concern that they’ll abandon you. Moreover, you might cling to them out of concern that you’ll be left alone. Your mental health may suffer as a result of this worry, which can make you feel alone and isolated.

For example, you might avoid establishing new friends or being open with your current ones if you are frightened of being abandoned by them. Lack of social support, feelings of loneliness, and depression might result from this.

Read Blog: The Basics of Premarital Couples Counseling + Worksheet to Strengthen Relationship

2. Poor self-esteem and self-worth:

Being afraid that people will leave you can cause you to feel these negative emotions. You can feel unworthy of keeping people in your life, which can make you question your skills and worth as a person.

For instance, if you fear losing your love partner, you can continually question your worth and attractiveness, which could cause you to feel insecure and down on yourself.

3. Poor psychological well-being:

Depression, stress and anxiety are often a by-product of fear of abandonment. You can worry about being abandoned all the time, which can result in ongoing feelings of fear and anxiety. This fear may eventually result in chronic stress and despair.

For example, if you are terrified of being abandoned by your partner, you may be preoccupied with the state of your relationship. Further, you may obsess over tiny disagreements or issues. This can lead to feelings of anxiety, stress, and, finally, depression.

Read Free E-book: How to Fight Depression?

4. Harmful coping strategies:

In order to cope with the dread of others abandoning you, you may resort to poor coping mechanisms, for example, substance abuse, self-harm, or unhealthy relationships. These coping methods may provide short-term comfort from worry, but they also have long-term detrimental implications.

For example, if you are terrified of being abandoned by your friends, you may turn to substance misuse to dull your worry and anxiety. This can lead to addiction and other health issues over time.

How do I stop being scared of people leaving? 8 Self-help tips

Eight self-help techniques to assist you to get over your fear of people leaving you:

1. Determine the underlying cause:

Recognizing the source of your anxiety of people leaving you is the first step to conquering it. Consider your past experiences, attachment style, and any self-limiting ideas that might be causing this dread.

2. Reject negative ideas:

Unfavorable self-talk can make you feel more abandoned. To refute these ideas ask yourself whether they are true and whether there is any proof to back them up. Replace these negative ideas with practical and uplifting ones.

For example, if you get the thought “no one will ever love me,” confront it by asking yourself if it is real. Recall occasions when you felt liked and valued by others, and concentrate on the excellent traits you contribute to relationships.

Read Blog: Overcoming Negative Thoughts: Proven Strategies to Decrease Their Power

3. Self-compassion:

Be gentle with yourself and cultivate self-compassion. Accept that rejection and loss are natural parts of the human experience.

4. Improve your self-esteem and confidence:

Work on improving your self-esteem and confidence. Exercise, hobbies, and volunteering might help you feel better about yourself. Surround oneself with encouraging friends and family members.

Read Blog: Aid your self-esteem: Proven Tips for Improving Self-Esteem

5. Create a support network:

Having a support network is essential. It might help you manage your fear of abandonment. Create a network of people you can rely on to help you feel safe and cherished. Participate in activities that build pleasant connections and a sense of community with them.

6. Practice mindfulness regularly:

Mindfulness entails being present and nonjudgmental in the present moment. Mindfulness can assist you in becoming more aware of your thoughts and feelings, as well as in managing your anxiety.

Try a basic breathing exercise. Inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, and then exhale for four seconds.

Watch our video: Guided Slow breathing meditation

7. Take professional help:

Consider obtaining professional therapy if your fear of abandonment is interfering with your daily life and relationships. A therapist can assist you in identifying the source of your anxiety and developing coping methods to manage it.

8. Take tiny steps:

Overcoming abandonment anxiety can be a gradual process. Take little actions to overcome your fear and gain confidence. For example, attempt striking up discussions with strangers or confiding in someone you trust about your worries.

Understand that it takes time and effort to overcome the dread of people abandoning you. Be patient and nice to yourself, and celebrate your accomplishments along the way.

Read Book: The Abandonment Recovery Workbook: Guidance Through the Five Stages of Healing from Abandonment, Heartbreak, and Loss


The fear of people leaving you can be crippling and have a negative influence on your life in a variety of ways. It is, nevertheless, possible to overcome this fear and live a meaningful life with healthy connections. You can minimize your fear of abandonment and develop deeper, healthier relationships by taking the time to understand the fundamental cause of your anxiety, practicing self-compassion, and adopting evidence-based treatments such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness, and self-care. Seeking assistance and support from trustworthy friends, family, or a mental health professional is a sign of strength and courage. You may conquer your fear of people leaving you with patience and perseverance and live a better, more connected life.

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