Why we want and not want to change?

One part of us is who we are today. Another part of us wants to be better, have an ideal way of living so that we reach our full potential.

Where do these wishes come from? Even though we strive for ideal we are helplessly bound by our habits. We can’t seem to change ourselves that easily. This is always the gap. Our old tendencies hold us back from reaching our new ideals. We constantly struggle between the two.

We don’t give up our tendencies maybe because we are unsure of what will happen if we get rid off them. It is the fear of uncertainty and losing what we had hold on to from so long. Maybe that is why we can’t seem to change quickly and sometimes feel anxiety because of it.

All struggle and anxiety is between the gap of who we are and who we can be.

There is a place of self acceptance but there is also a place of self growth and change. Where do these urges/wishes come from? How can we leave the tendencies we cling to and start being who we want to be? How can we achieve the standards that we hold within ourselves?

Sometimes the guilt of repeating the old tendencies cause helplessness. Other times acceptance of imperfections give relief. And of all the vision we hold for ourself keeps us pulling towards it. We are chained by past tendencies and don’t won’t to let go of them. But we also want to leave them so that we can have peace and satisfaction that comes with constantly becoming the best of who we are.

Even after understanding that inorder to move forward we have to let go of who we have always been, we can’t seem to do that so easily. Why? Why are our tendencies so strong? or is our will and enthusiasm to overcome weak in face of them?

Even when we are sick of being our inferior self and want to reinvent ourself to highest possible standards, we seem to struggle. Knowing our behaviours aren’t healthy, thoughts negative, emotions making us do things we regret later, why can’t we change?

How can we change? Is this what life is all about? A struggle to outgrow ourselves? For a new thing to happen something old has to die. But we want the new without letting go of the old. How then can we change? Old tendencies are rewards in itself. But new self? it’s struggle. We don’t reward our new behaviour so how can they become our new tendencies?

Old tendencies become the cause of it’s continuation, and it’s fruits make it a cycle. How can we break this cycle and stop being ourselves so that we can be who we desire to be?

This inner transformation that we seek isn’t the easiest task, so being patient is wise. Why do we seek transformation? What do we want to get rid off? Why we want to get rid off it? What do we want? Why do we want? Who is it that wants? Who is it that can’t let go of the rocks and yet desires for diamonds? Why is there always a duality in our minds? Why we think in opposites?

We really want that change, but are we ready to sacrifice our old ways? the comforts and the gratification? The answer is either Yes or No. If it is yes when we must have already changed. But if it is no, then why? Why have conflicting desires? Do we really want to change?

Once in a while we get a shock to make that big change, but after some days the effects go away and we are back to our good ol’days. We never learn. We are clouded. How do we seek the answers? How do we change before time changes us? before we are forced to change by life’s lessons?